Well here we all are my friends, my last post was reflecting on the bright and positive energy of a new year, and now we have entered strange and dangerous times. I am extremely privileged to be able to work from home, with my lovely, supportive, amazing students taking to online lessons like proverbial ducks to water, but I have to admit it’s been a challenge settling into this new normal.
Having a fairly busy work schedule, finding time to just sit at the piano for non-work purposes is usually my favourite thing to do. Work on my compositions, a bit of improv, some comfort Yann Tiersen, a time to relax and let my creativity run around and do its thing. Now that I’m home all day every day, my work schedule has actually increased and my creativity is proving…elusive.
I’ve seen a few people talk about this, this need to be extra productive, extra creative, extra efficient in this time of self-isolation. If you’re home anyway why not use this time to work/write new songs/learn to knit/cook every recipe in that book/record an album/clean out those cupboards/work some more/learn a language/write a book/MORE WORK - but also, stay healthy/eat better/work out more/drink more water/meditate/set a sleep schedule, and just
no. Just stop.
Though this is true of just about everything, I feel like it applies especially to creativity. It’s not something you can just turn on, a flip of the switch. Time to be creative NOW. Go. Whenever you’re ready. It doesn’t work like that. We don’t work like that. Humans are primarily creatures of habit, we’re amazing at picking out patterns, even when there aren’t any. We’re planners, goal-setters, and we’re also really good at being mean to ourselves if we think we’re not doing enough.
My adults students are a perfect example of this. Despite all being tremendously busy people with jobs and children and lives to live, they manage to commit to learning an instrument, having weekly lessons and practicing when they can. I think this is amazing. They think they’re not doing enough. An addition to my growing list of catch-phrases (I’ll have to do a blog on those one day) is ‘be kind to yourself’. Because the truth is, if you’re doing anything, the smallest thing towards achieving a goal, or just making yourself happy, then you’re doing enough.
Well that’s what I think anyway. I’m not an authority on ‘being good enough’. But I do get to work with an incredibly varied group of people, all of whom I watch try, fail, succeed, week after week and I’m constantly waving my arms at them exclaiming ‘Amazing! That was amazing! You’re amazing!’ because it’s true. And the reason I’m so passionate about hyping them up is because they don’t see it. One of the hardest parts of my job is to help them accept that maybe, just maybe, they’re not only doing enough, they’re doing well.
That said, I don’t always find it so easy to treat myself the same way. I’ve recently been recording some piano parts for my brilliant cellist friend Rob Knaggs and I am definitely not always super kind to myself. Despite, or perhaps because of, having all the patience in the world for a student, I have absolutely zero patience for myself and my mistakes. If something takes me more than two attempts, I’m furious with myself, which as I constantly tell my students, is super counter-productive. I’ve also been working on my next EP, and two of the pieces just refuse to be put together. Surprisingly, resting my head on the keys in defeat, muttering ‘why isn’t this working’ into my chest, does absolutely nothing to inspire a sudden burst of genius.
Gotta be kind to yourselves people.
You know what is productive? Making yourself a coffee. Or a really good sandwich (I love a good sandwich). Or taking the time to read some more of that book. Or making the effort to put on pants for that Skype meeting you have at 9am and I’ll admit, that one’s a real struggle sometimes (they can’t see below the desk, who cares?). In these doom and gloom times, it can be very very hard to feel motivated to do literally anything. Forget working, or being creative, getting out of bed or having a shower can feel like tackling Everest. You know what’s not productive? Telling yourself you’re not doing enough, you’re not good enough, do more, achieve more, be better. Horrendous!
Think of your creativity like a plant. Under the right conditions it’s gorgeous! Stunning! It thrives with a bit of love and care. If you forget to look after it, it starts to wither. How do you fix this? By yelling at it? ‘Be better plant!’ ‘Grow more!’ ‘You call that a flower?’
Absolutely not. And if you’re yelling at plants, it’s definitely time for a break.
By all means, set yourself a schedule, or a daily goal, but if it doesn’t quite work out the way you planned, then that’s ok. Try again tomorrow. My schedule at the moment looks like: morning students, coffee break, write music/worksheets for students, lunch, afternoon and evening students, dinner, bit of Netflix, bed. For me, it’s a lot. But today I’m using a bit of my break/writing time to write this blog and read my book, because I’m tired and my book just got super interesting.
For lunch I will make myself an excellent sandwich, and between writing this, the sandwich and my students, that is absolutely more than enough for one day. I may not play any piano at all, and that’s fine, it’ll still be there tomorrow. This is my new normal, and it’ll do for now. Be kind to yourselves, nourish your creativity, do little things that will make you happy, aim for pants, if not today, maybe tomorrow.
-J